Cis-het Mimicking and Homonormativity In Queer Dating.
Due to marginalization, seeking safety and survival, many people of the LGBTQ+ community have defaulted to a "straight standard" of existence, also known as homonormativity. What the fuck is homonormativity?
Homonormativity is privileging heteronormative ideals and constructs onto LGBTQ+ culture and identity. It is predicated on the assumption that the norms and values of heterosexuality should be replicated and performed among homosexual people. Homonormativity selectively privileges cis-gendered homosexuality (that is coupled and monogamous) as worthy of social acceptance. -Wikipedia
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Homonormativity suggests that rules are used to decide which queer communities are the best to represent it. This leads to cis het mimicking. Queer people prioritize getting married, having children, and presenting gender in ways that don't disrupt heteronormativity. These aren’t inherently bad ways to exist, but it becomes harmful when those desires of lifestyle and traits determine how we interact and support each other.
When people fall out of these norms, they usually have harsher interactions with the world because they are further disrupting the norm... IE. Masc lesbians that only date femmes, or trans people that only date cis people
Homonormativity has always existed as a means of survival for some queer folks but mostly as a means of exclusion of other queer people that many white gay men and lesbian women felt made the Gay rights movement of the 60s - mid-'80s look bad. They felt mirroring heteronormative ideals and pushing people who visibly disrupted those ideals to the back would push the movement forward, even though this movement was started by those most marginalized.
Rip to Marsha P Johnson, Stormé DeLarverie, and Sylvia Rivera, the realest to ever do it!!
Watch the video essay version of this article.
Dismantling homonormativity in dating involves challenging and transforming societal norms and expectations that perpetuate the idea of a "normal" or ideal queer relationship. It aims to create space for diverse expressions of love, relationships, and identities within the LGBTQ+ community. Here are some suggestions on how to approach this:
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Educate Yourself: Gain a deeper understanding of homonormativity, its origins, and its impact on the LGBTQ+ community. Read books, and articles, and engage in conversations that explore diverse perspectives and experiences within the community.
Reflect on Internalized Norms: Examine your own beliefs and biases. Consider how societal expectations of relationships, gender roles, and monogamy may have influenced your thinking. Recognize that everyone's experiences and preferences can be unique, and challenge any assumptions you may have.
Embrace Intersectionality: Recognize that LGBTQ+ experiences intersect with other aspects of identity, such as race, class, and ability. Understand that dismantling homonormativity requires acknowledging and supporting individuals from diverse backgrounds and experiences.
Foster Communication: Cultivate open and honest communication in your relationships. Encourage discussions about desires, needs, and boundaries, allowing space for all partners to express themselves authentically. Challenge the idea that relationships must adhere to specific structures or norms.
Challenge Relationship Hierarchies: Question hierarchies that prioritize certain relationship forms over others. Challenge the notion that long-term monogamous partnerships are the only valid or desirable form of queer relationships. Recognize and celebrate a wide range of relationship styles, including non-monogamous, polyamorous, and non-traditional arrangements.
Amplify Marginalized Voices: Center and amplify the voices of marginalized individuals within the LGBTQ+ community. Listen to their experiences, perspectives, and challenges. Support their initiatives and activism aimed at challenging homonormativity.
Be Mindful of Language: Be aware of the language you use and how it can reinforce or challenge societal norms. Use inclusive language that acknowledges and respects different relationship structures and identities. Avoid making assumptions about others' relationship choices or identities.
Support Community Initiatives: Engage with and support organizations, community groups, and events that promote diversity and inclusivity within the LGBTQ+ community. Attend queer-focused workshops, conferences, and panels to learn from others and contribute to collective efforts.
Challenge Mainstream Media Representations: Critically analyze mainstream media depictions of queer relationships. Demand authentic and diverse representations that reflect the realities of the LGBTQ+ community. Support media created by and for marginalized LGBTQ+ individuals.
Practice Self-Reflection: Continuously reflect on your own behaviors and attitudes. Be open to learning and evolving your perspectives. Embrace personal growth and support others in their journey toward dismantling homonormativity.
Remember, dismantling homonormativity is an ongoing process that requires active participation and allyship. By challenging societal norms, fostering inclusivity, and supporting diverse expressions of love and relationships, you can contribute to a more inclusive and equitable LGBTQ+ community.
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